Backup QBs; 2nd to no one

Backup quarterbacks are a hot commodity. They’re the Italian mixed meatloaf at the linoleum coliseum that is the middle school cafeteria.

Matt Cassell was compensated $62.7 million for his superior clipboard holding skills. Kevin Kolb is getting $63 million, $30 million in guaranteed money. He’s worth more than the Liberty bell, which coincidently has been struck more times than Kolb himself in the vicious game of football.

When a backup falls asleep in a meeting the quarterback coach gentle covers them with a blanket as if not to wake them. Veterans don’t haze backups; they would feel bad for taping these little guys to the goalposts.

So what is the allure of the decoy-play caller? The clipboard concierge? The human-softballing juggs machine? The bench barista? The headset hunk? The stout scout?

They are in constant queue, but are never tall enough to ride the roller coaster.

Everyone loves them. If the team is winning they might as well apply to become the centerpiece in the lost art of male-cheerleading, but if the team is losing then they are Joe Namath with more charisma, a more studious Peyton Manning, throwing a better ball than Tom Brady and like Jay Cutler, only with better hair.

They aren’t the fish you caught; they are the fish you tell your friends you caught.

Second string quarterbacks are necessary, and they are vital to a team’s success. But lets not let them steal the big piece of cake at the metaphorical birthday party; they should be able to blow out the candles first.

John > Jay or Tim

I don’t know if it’s all the hate-mail Drew Soicher let me read or if it was the salty omelet I had for breakfast but I’m in the mood to drop some knowledge.

As it stands right now the Denver Broncos franchise is in shambles. There may be some, slight potential to be better… but there isn’t much worse than 4-12. And why is that? Many reasons, but the most evident one right now is that we don’t have our reliable quarterback. The Bears do.

Jay Cutler is a single victory away from leading the Chicago Bears to the Super Bowl. But don’t tell the Denver sports fans this, they’ll just say he doesn’t have a chance against Mr. Rodgers. (The football star, not tv icon.)

But that is beside the point. Why did Jay Cutler fail here in the Mile High City? Not because, he threw too many interceptions, or didn’t have enough passion for the game, or he had contract disputes with the owner, or he looked like a Jersey Shore reject. No, it’s because he’s NOT JOHN ELWAY.

Jake ‘the Snake’ Plummer led the team to a 13-3 record, the AFC Championship game and then people were asking for his head. You would have to win a Super Bowl to alleviate yourself of that sort of pressure… and that’s no easy task. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBuGr1pDEEM about the 3 minute mark especially)

Tim Tebow maybe, for all we know, might be God’s right-hand man, but in Denver, John Elway’s town, he’s just some shmuck under center. And the addition of John Elway to the front office is only going to put more pressure on the kid.

[Sidebar: If you watch that whole video, above, then you saw some other familiar face…. Mike Shanahan. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that he has been part of some of the greatest teams of all time. His release could be seen as the beginning of the end, or in the most articulate way possible ‘Because the Little Bug went Ka Choo’.]