He’s the most prolific eater ever to walk this planet. He has the most famous jaws since, well, Jaws. His Costco Shoppers card is Platinum. His chompers are little statues of ivory glory.
Joey Chestnut ate 62 hot dogs on Independence Day and he’s not even verified.
Twitter has obviously not taken hold on the MLE (Major League Eating) circuit the way back hair is so popular in NASCAR.
This is a call to arms. It’s a pledge to Americans everywhere. To the ones that laugh at a dime sized mustard stain and don’t consider relish and onions on their calorie counters. We are people of just causes like a Triple Word Score to beat your mother on Words with Friends. We take pleasure in the nuances of life like, Lord help me, an anti-Bieber hash tag.
We need to rally around Joey Chestnut.
If you have a bumper sticker that says “I <3 the RED, WHITE and BREW” on your Chevy Eco… follow him. If you can admit (internally at least) that you wore your Stars and Stripes boxers for the second day in a row (as I just did)… follow him. If you can’t get that last no-good, rotten, brutal joke out of your head… follow him. If you have an autograph from a mascot of any kind… follow him.
IF YOU’RE AMERICAN…. FOLLOW HIM!
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